Pants 0. Shit 1.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
