I got chris browned last night
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
