I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
