I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize