she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
