Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
