I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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