So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize