just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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