the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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