Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
