he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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