mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
