ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
