I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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