I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
