3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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