you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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