someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize