yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
