He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
