Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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