just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
