you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
