I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
