If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
