I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
