apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
