I'm really into asian looking animals
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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