literally had 100 drinks last night.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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