he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
