You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
