Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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