Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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