It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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