New low: just hacked my moms facebook
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I didn't notice because vodka
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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