Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
