I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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