Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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