She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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