In the future we'll all be gay
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Randomize
