the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
