Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
