Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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