all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
