The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
