you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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