chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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