maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
