Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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