It's like God shit irony all over that family
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
