Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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