Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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