i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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