totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
