More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
