In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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