I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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