Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize