Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
