If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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