Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She bit a glass in half.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
