I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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