2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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