New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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