so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize