i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
