Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
