so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
