I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
