he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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