i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
